[REBECCA, feverishly content-editing-for-humanity on her one off day between VSL and documentary filmmaking, sits at her messy desk. Bernadette Peters is belting ‘You Can’t Get a Man With a Gun.’ SHE didn’t so much get dressed or leave the house today… was expecting call from Australian Microsoft bigwig, wanting an afternoon tour of Kandy but hopefully this won’t come, as SHE’s not inclined today towards proper clothing, or even, conversation]
[phone rings: suddenly-annoying digitized Bach]
TERRIFIED REBECCA: hello?
VOICE, possibly Australian : mumble mumble static static
TERRIFIED AND IMPATIENT REBECCA: hello?
VOICE now clearly Sri Lankan: Hello, may I speak to… ReBAYcca Ennen?
WARY REBECCA: Yes, this is Rebecca Ennen—
VOICE: This is Suntel.
REBECCA, TOTALLY LOST: Who??
SUNTEL, talking fast: This is a courtesy call from Suntel WOW, your internet service provider, we want to know if your service is working well, the connection speed fast and all? We want to make sure it’s working well for you.
INCREDULOUS REBECCA: Um, yeah, it’s fast enough.
SUNTEL, smarmily: Suntel WOW is glad to be your—
SHOCK DOES NOT PRECLUDE ENTERPRISE: Actually, when I dial up it often takes four or five tries to connect with the remote computer, maybe you could get more bandwidth or server space or whatever? Maybe it’s that there’s not enough capacity for all the users?
SUNTEL, squirming: If you are having a problem with your connection you can call our hotline at blah blah blah… Thank you for using Suntel WOW! Bye!
[REBECCA hangs up, shakes head, decides to put some buckshot in someone’s trousers over this issue. Maybe not; too much trouble.]
What the hell is the point of calling me to ask how the connection is, if I still have to call someone else to complain if it’s got a problem? I mean, did they call just to tell me the hotline number? However: my first-ever junk phone call in Sri Lanka! Now that’s what I call going native! I bet it cost me like Rs 3 to answer the mobile phone. I should deduct it from my Suntel WOW bill.
NB, folks—I’m leaving my apartment tomorrow morning for Colombo, and on Tuesday, the south. Unawatuna, the beach that was like a parent to us all. The point: I am reachable by mobile phone, not landline, for the next week. Do call; I’d be so happy to hear from you.