roger: tonight was good. no problems, eh?
me: i thought it was the worst i've ever done it. it felt terrible.
roger: ...oh. no. it was good.

this after a long dinner conversation with jedd over whether or not i could have a conversation with roger regarding my possible future as an actor. ie should i just give it up? so what does the above mean? a sign, perhaps?

my poor father, though having come to see my show, has a toothache and feels unwell. i vaguely resent this especially because he didn't say anything positive about the show until after he had left for his evenings' lodgings. (he called, good man that he is.) is there much to say about the show? people like it. no one yet has complained. it's a good show. what else is there?

saw 25th hour for the second time tonight and again ended up sobbing. what is it about that end sequence that grips me? people were laughing during the fight scene and i thought, good lord, what is wrong with you people? one of the best written, best acted, best shot scenes in a film that i have seen in years and you're laughing? i think that i cry in the end because of the possibility of hope, of escape, and the deep pain that makes such release possible. [spoiler follows] when he's out in the desert... thinking about being as alone as he is there... drinking that last drink with his dad... it just gets me. the door slam is the worst part.

i thought i was getting more modulated but really i need for the weather to perk up.

then there's boys. arrrr.